A few months ago, I received an interesting request.
It came from one of those busy couples with two kids who don’t get out enough anymore. I’ve known them since my oldest daughter was a baby, and before they even had kids yet. They were a young, hot, passionate couple. I remember thinking, the first time we met, that they probably had awesome sex — and a lot of it. They just had that energy about them.
They’ve been following the bouncing ball here at The Sensual Life. And had tried, on many occasions, to break away from the daily demands of life to catch a performance, or take a workshop. Almost every time I send out a newsletter or a new blogpost, one of them jots me a note to tell me how much they appreciate what I’m doing.
So, when she hit a significant birthday this year, he called me up.
“I know you sell experiences, not products. But I thought it was worth asking…is there any kind of gift from your world that I might be able to give her…so we could get a taste of what you’re doing? At least until we have the time to show up to something?”
Well, I couldn’t say no, could I?
So, I started thinking about how I could create a sensual gift for them. Something they could enjoy together. Something that would deepen — maybe even revive — their intimate connection. I wanted them to have new experiences together. But I also wanted to provide them with a framework for these experiences. A map, if you will. So they weren’t wandering around in the dark, or falling into their same set patterns. But could break out into some new territory.
I flashed on all those nervous couples I see when I visit “adult” boutiques. Trying to choose an outfit for a role play. Or a sex toy. Or some other sensual sundry. And I can’t help thinking that, once they get the stuff home, they may have more toys — but they don’t have the essential ingredient they need.
The manual. The playbook. The treasure map. So they could find the gold they sought.
I knew that’s ultimately what they needed if they were going to be catapulted to someplace new together.
I wanted their experience to be sexy, yes. But safe. So they could really let go…knowing they would make their way back to being the responsible parents with busy careers that they left behind for a night. So they could trust each other, and trust themselves, to travel out onto a skinny branch of intimacy, and make their way back.
Most of all, I wanted them to have fun.
I asked him a few questions. What she likes, what she doesn’t. What are her edges? And most of all, what was he hoping this gift might do for him, for them, as a couple? After all, there is power and pleasure in both positions — giving and receiving. And I wanted both sides to feel satisfied, fulfilled, as the experience played itself out.
Once I received his answers, I got busy. I poured what I have done countless times with people — in my workshops and my coaching practice — into creating their experience. I started by assembling a beautiful package of sensual tools. For example, he made sure I knew he had reserved a room with a four-poster bed for their overnight escape from the kids. And that she was more prone to thinking she was the dominant type, but that he suspected she had an even deeper desire for submission. So, I included two silky scarves that might secure a willing limb to a bedpost. He told me favorite scents — and the scents she didn’t like — so I could pick an appropriate candle, bath salts.
And chocolate. Of course.
While this toolkit was fun, both for me to assemble and for them to unpack, it was just the beginning of their experience. The true gift was revealed as they explored the experience prompts I crafted for them — one by one — throughout their evening together. Experiences that gave them new ways to express themselves to one another. New ways to play.
And to remember that, (as she later told me), no matter how well we think we know our partner, they remain “a mysterious stranger” to us.
Which is ultimately what we want. The safety of being with someone who loves us. And the permission to lose our control, our decorum, our polite veneer, even our familiarity, with them. To discover them, as we would a stranger, over and over. To discover ourselves along the way.
Surely, we don’t mate with one another to have someone do half the housecleaning — even if we say that’s what we want. Or to pay half the bills — that’s what roommates are for. In fact, if you’re being honest, there is almost nothing you can’t do on your own. If you have friends, family, a community of people in your life, you can manage. There’s nothing about living the modern life that requires a partner.
Except this…
Deep, unpredictable, safe, wild, intimate, passionate, connected, powerful relating. The kind that puts a smile on your face in the middle of your day when you flash on just a moment of it. The kind that brings deep meaning to ordinary experiences. The kind that drives us through all the challenges together.
Underneath all the busyness, all the complaining, all the tussles between the genders, between partners, between lovers, between parents — there is this deepest of all desires.
I am so grateful to my friends for this inspiration. Their request forced me to do the thing I have most wanted to do since I created The Sensual Life. Provide people with opportunities to explore, experience and express their sensual and sexual selves.
Thanks to them, I can now deliver that in a box, with a bow! And know that in this simple, elegant presentation, a whole new world awaits whoever might be willing to give that box, open it, and share the journey inside.
As of today, Desire Delivered is available for you, too. Once you make your purchase, you’ll be prompted to answer the same questions I asked my friend. And with your unique, confidential answers, I will craft your experience and send it to you.
I can hardly wait. I look forward to hearing from you!